I think about how I have spent my birthday the last few years, all baby related:
- 2009, 19th birthday, I was pregnant with ^KL^
- 2010, 20th birthday, TTC ( and didn't know it yet but also pregnant with KM)
- 2011, 21st birthday, KM was a couple months old
- 2013, 23rd birthday, TTC
I sit back and think. God I want another baby so bad, hell we are TTC, not the easiest thing for my and J. I want the happiness of pregnancy and a new life. I will get that no doubt, but I will also receive the fear. Something that will never go away. Something that I will worry about every time that I TTC, every time that I get pregnant, every time that I give birth to that perfect baby. And something that I will worry about my whole life. As I watch KM grow, I still worry. I will worry till the day that I die. Your children are meant to bury you. Though it is difficult for them, that is the normal order of life. I will fear everyday of my life that I may have to bury another one of my children. I am suppose to be here to teach them what they need to know about life, so they need to be here with me so that I can do that. ^KL^ has taught me so much about life, and continues to. KM has done the same. They have both shown me different views of the world. I just want to be able to do the same.
While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”
― Angela Schwindt
And this has become just another ramble from me....