Taking it slowly

I've been taking the TotSchool a lot slower than I had planned.  I was able to get week 1 ("A") in one week and she picked it up.  "B" week we did for two weeks, and I will be doing the same thing for "C".  I decided to do this child-led, which means that I am on her terms not on mine.  I may go through 5 different activities before I find one that she wants to stick with for more than 30 seconds.  But she actually enjoys it, it is what excites her and what KM wants to do over and over again. 

Through this process I am amazed at how I am able to watch this child grow and learn right in front of my eyes.  How she is so happy and proud of herself.  I want her to keep this attitude throughout her life, I wish that I could protect her from all the things that will change this view.  From this experience, how ever long it will last (as long as she is enjoying and learning), I want KM to see that there is something to learn from even the little things. That from every experience that you will run into there is something that you can learn.  I want her to know to focus on what interest her, to make sure that she keeps her passions strong, and to know that even when you think you know everything- there is always something new to find out.  I want her to be able to look at a subject from every angle, see different opinions and views on the same topic, and to come to her own conclusion.

I am doing TotSchool not just so that she is learning all the "necessary" things.  I am doing it to give her opportunities so that she can teach herself instead of it being forced.  She is in charge in this school. Learning is games and activities.  It is always about the seeds that had been planted, right? So here I am planting the seeds and hope, through out life, she remembers to water them; to watch those seeds grow into big beautiful flowers

A is for Apple

I finally completed week one with KM, after a 2 week delay.  I decided to postpone it because she had swimming lessons everyday in the afternoon along with her gymnastics on Tuesdays (we keep her busy) lol.  I didn't want her to get overtired, overstressed, or over anything.  This is suppose to be a fun time for her.

When I decided to do Tot School I knew that I wanted it to be a fun thing.  I wanted to do child directed learning, so that she would always be able to enjoy the new things that she was learning.  She so loves to learn new thing :)

So we have started a rough schedule, if you could even call it that, to include learning time throughout the day.  I have gotten the majority(and all my printables) from 2 sites. 1+1+1=1 and ABC JLM

 

 

 

 

Week 1
Theme: A is for Apple
Letter: A
Number:1
Color: Red
Shape: Circle
Book: The Giving Tree
Bible Story: Day 1 &2 of Creation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is how our first Tot School week went

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gross Motor Skills-  Put out the Fire

 I drew a ladder and fire with chalk.  Set a bucket with a sponge at the bottom.  KM had to "climb the ladder and then squeeze the sponge in order to "put out" the fire. (ABC JLM)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fine Motor Skills-  Red Circle   I love that this one included not only a fine motor skills activity, but also that it included the color and shape of the week.  I taped the circle on the wall and then she colored it red.  By taping it on the wall it works a different part of there arm then the standard way of coloring.  (ABC JLM)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Craft- Coffee Filter Earth         KM loved this and I wish I had gotten pictures of her face.  After we had read the bible store, about the first two days of creation, on Monday ( I read it every morning during the week) we made the land and the water on a coffee filter and then sprayed it with water.  So much fun (ABC JLM)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Activity book
I leave the pages in her room with dry erase crayons.  She is able to pull it down whenever she wants and color on them of just look through them.  During dinner prep I would pull out a page and stick it on her easel or have her work on the puzzle or lacing.  It would keep her happy and entertained for the few minutes that I needed to get something cook. ( 1+1+1=1)

 

 

 

 

Sign Language

Since me and J got together, J has been teaching her ASL. I decided to include signs when making the plans for the week because she does enjoy them.  Not only is she learning new signs but also new words ( and I can understand what she is trying to tell me better).  I had it planned out for her to be introduced to 3 new signs a week, of course she wanted to learn more.  So thanks to Google on my phone this week she learned:

• Red
• Circle
• Apple (she already knew this one but I reemphasized it)
• Ant
• Alligator 
• Gymnastics

I was so impressed with how she did, and how much of it was Child-led.  I would suggest things to her once or twice a day and that would keep her attention for like 10 minutes.  Once she figured out the new things that she was learning she would want me to go over them with her all day long.  I figured out how much she had absorbed in only a few short days this morning.  I walked by her circle that was taped on the wall and asked her what it was. "Red circle, mama" I felt proud but that could also been because of the repetitiveness of the week.  Later when we were in the kitchen I asked her to draw me a circle and she did :) Okay it is a 2 years old circle, but heck I can't draw a very good circle myself anyways-- who am I to judge :p

 

 

 

 

 



 Side Note:   Our weeks are different from most, due to split custody.  So TotSchool is done 3 days a week, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.  Saturday is our snack making day. And Wednesday morning is the review day for the week before she goes to her father's.

Birthdays and Babies

So, tomorrow will be my 23rd birthday.  It is nothing exciting.  While I may do stuff for them, since having kids, my birthday has just become another day.  Their birthdays, the holidays, days that I want to be focused on them.

 I think about how I have spent my birthday the last few years, all baby related:

• 2009, 19th birthday, I was pregnant with ^KL^
• 2010, 20th birthday, TTC ( and didn't know it yet but also pregnant with KM)
• 2011, 21st birthday,  KM was a couple months old
• 2013, 23rd birthday, TTC

Maybe there is just something about the celebration of my birth that makes me want to birth more.  lol.  I would have tons of kids it was that easy.  I love the pregnancy.  I love the bond, the creation of a new life, all the feelings that only someone who has had a child will ever understand.  I crave those feeling.  I remember my pregnancy with ^KL^ so naïve everything was just perfect.  Well yes, the pregnancy was unexpected, but she was so wanted.  Being pregnant with KM was  completely different.  I was happy, she was wanted so much as well, but with the "happy, loving, excited" feelings came the PTSD.  I had so many anxiety attacks so much fear, that only worsened after she was born.  From having KL I knew that have a healthy, full-term baby meant nothing.  ^KL^ was. Nothing wrong.  Got the option to go home early from the hospital cause she was doing so well-- an option that I will never be given again.  I will have to stay the "full-time", if not longer.  Everything has changed since having ^KL^.

I sit back and think.  God I want another baby so bad, hell we are TTC, not the easiest thing for my and J.  I want the happiness of pregnancy and a new life.  I will get that no doubt, but I will also receive the fear.  Something that will never go away.  Something that I will worry about every time that I TTC, every time that I get pregnant, every time that I give birth to that perfect baby.  And something that I will worry about my whole life.  As I watch KM grow, I still worry.  I will worry till the day that I die.  Your children are meant to bury you.  Though it is difficult for them, that is the normal order of life.  I will fear everyday of my life that I may have to bury another one of my children.  I am suppose to be here to teach them what they need to know about life, so they need to be here with me so that I can do that.  ^KL^ has taught me so much about life, and continues to.  KM has done the same.  They have both shown me different views of the world.  I just want to be able to do the same. 

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”
― Angela Schwindt

 

 

And this has become just another ramble from me....

TTC and a New House

I decided to start this blog right before moving, not exactly my brightest idea.  I've just been so busy, not exactly sure what with though.  There is always so much to do that at the end of the day the same things are left because we have just been so mentally drained. 

The few days a week that we have KM I just want to spend all my time with her.  I hate the set up that we have in the parenting agreement-- she is with him from 10a on Wednesday till 10a on Saturday.  I miss my baby so much when she is not here.  The break is nice for the first day but after that I am just over it.  I don't believe that he should have her so much, he doesn't even care about having her.  I will be bitter about this until it changes, most likely when she starts school... So I have looked into a Pre-K3.  Only 2 half days a week.  Has to be better than me not having her for so long during the week...

We started insemination about a week in a half ago.  (We are doing  ivi with kd.)  After having my IUD last month I assumed that I would have crazy cycles and have to wait months to even see ovulation on a chart.  But nope! we hit it perfect this month.  Now it is just waiting till the 3rd to test.

  I forgot how hard the TWW is.  JJ will randomly talk to "my cluster of cells".  It is cute and yes I named it my-cluster-of-cells. 1) We don't even know if we are pregnant 2) When I came up with this was hours after AI so implantation wasn't even close and 3) I find myself subconsciously doing things to disconnect and not form a connection at all.  I've been through losses, MC and Infant loss.  If there is a chance that it will happen again, I would rather deal with as little heart break as possible.  Maybe I am just sounding cold, hell.  I know that I will be in love as soon as the 2nd line shows up on the test and I will spend the next 9 months bonding with the baby.  I know that I will.  But along with the bonding will come high levels of anxiety.  Love and Anxiety.

..... But it is all worth is in the end

New Blog

I had originally started a blog when I was pregnant with my rainbow, but for about a year now it has been dead... My life has changed drastically since I was writing that blog so I figured a new page was in order.

My original blog told about what happened to my angel Kamryn Lynn (KL) and the pregnancy of my rainbow baby, Kylie Marie (KM). 

Since I last wrote on the blog I have separated from their father and have found myself in a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend, JJ.  KM and I have began our new lives and found ourselves in a new family that could not have been better for us.  With the growing of the relationship we have found that we want to expand the family more, we are planning on adding a second rainbow.  This blog will become the story of the journey of getting pregnant, the pregnancy (when it does happen) and watch, teaching, and learning as KM grows up.